damn mondays.

today's one of those days i want to cry because i'm feeling so bad. the exhaustion is behind ridiculous, and my hand's swelling to the point where it just hurts.

i'm on my way to school; there's no way i'm making it through the whole class.

crazy nyc weather.

thanksgiving pictures.

there are plenty more. i'll post them once my cousin sends them to me.

newness

sitting up in bed. might as well take this time to update.


*i'm craving frosted flakes. weird.



so here are the results for my sleep study.

i honestly don't understand any of it, until it gets to the conclusion: evidence of moderately severe obstructive sleep apnea. i got back to the sleep lab on friday to do the tests all over again with the face mask thing. this chronic fatigue and exhaustion is really getting to me.

my hands have been swollen for a few days now, but i can't stop what i need to do. i still have homework to finish for tomorrow and bracelets to make.

i'm finally getting the ganglion cyst taken care of. my doctor said it'll be drained, but my cousin says i need to have it surgically removed. who knows anymore.

i quit taking the herbs. i couldn't torture myself anymore. the herbalist said since i've had my condition for so long, i'll need to drink the herbs for a while. i don't have that kind of patience or strength, so screw it. it became unbearable to drink; i started throwing it down the drain once my mother cooked it for me. childish, i know. i'm an adult, i shouldn't have to do nonsense like that, on top of waste money to buy the damn things. i'd rather pay $35 a month on pills than $21 a week on herbs. i'm going back to the rheumatologist to talk about putting me on a lower dosage of savella. i actually had an appointment with her on wednesday, but i had to reschedule because i was so exhausted.

that's about it for now. i'm pretty sure something else will come up soon; it always does.

thanks.

as i'm having leftovers for breakfast, let me take this time to reflect.

i'm not thankful for my health, but i am thankful that i'm alive.

i'm thankful for the people in my life: my parents, the few family in my family that i have an amazing relationship with, my husband-to-be, my absolutely amazing friends-- travis, cory, alex and charleigh to name a few.

i'm thankful to have a job, a roof over my head, and that i've never experienced a day of hunger.

that's all.

i'll promise to do some posts this weekend.

it's not a good feeling when your family makes you feel like they loved you more when you were starving yourself.

good things come to those who wait.

i know i was supposed to write about the sleep study results a lot sooner, but it's a good thing i was so caught up doing other things.

last night, i had an appointment with dr. jhagroo, my primary care physician, about the cyst on my wrist and how we're getting rid of it. at the beginning of the appointment, he mentioned the results of my sleep study. i'm so glad i was given a hard copy!

tonight i'll scan it in and post it.

my assignment.

i'm not too proud of it. eh..

school daze.

i'm working on this two page graphic novel for class. i'm absolutely hating this, and i'm in a worlds worth of pain. i can't feel my arms. how am i supposed to draw if i can't feel my arms? i'm giving myself forty minutes to finish..

sleep study review.

this was probably one of this most nerve wrecking experiences ever.

first off, it took is forever to get there, and when we finally did, it looked like a whole in the wall.

fast forward to the set up: i had to pull a bunch of wires through my clothes to have the sensors on my legs. one went on my clavicle, on one my ribs, four in my scalp (this is why i was told to braid my hair), and a few more on my face. then came the tubes in my nose, followed by a piece of gauze stretched over my head and bands clipped around my torso to keep everything in place. when i was hooked up to the computers and we were ready to begin, i had to turn off my phone because the signals could interfere with the computers and cause me to have a seizure.

there was an intercom that the tech would use to communicate with me, and a camera. i was instructed to do things, like move my eyes, breathe through my nose alone, then my mouth alone, and hold my breath at the beginning and end of the test. if the results come back and i do have sleep apnea, i'd have to go back and to everything all over again, but i'll be given the oxygen tank and mask to figure out how much i'd need every night.

now here's the emotional part:
the night before the test, i cried. i got to the lab and i had the biggest attitude. when my mom and darrel left, i cried some more. while i was getting all the sensors put on me, these darling loved ones of mine thought it would be a good idea to take pictures and laugh. i asked them to stop, but of course, they didn't. that really hurt, and made me so angry. when i got home, my mom asked about my attitude; i told her, and she had the nerve to say i had no reason to act like that. that pissed me off even more.

-----------------------------------

i started this post on monday morning; it's now thursday evening, and i'm on my way to doctor sury's office. he called monday morning when i got to work, saying she needs to see me. her tone of voice was very discomforting: you know that tone that doctors have when they have bad news.

we'll know very soon...