sleep study day!

don't i look excited? my hair is now washed and braided, and i'm looking like a 90s r&b singer. at least that's one less thing to do for tonight's sleep study. i need to throw my pajamas and pillow pet ina a bag, shower, eat, and be ready to go by 6:30p.

it's snowing in new york city. this is strange for october. we have to drive through the slush just to get to the sleep lab.

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last night darrel and i drove-- well, he drove us to nassau county in long island to go to the cheesecake factory. i've heard about them for years and never tried it. the food was average, as in most chain restaurants. the dulce de leche cheesecake was average, too. slight disappointment, but darrel was so excited to take me since i've never been, and he said i had such a long week and needed a date. this week, i was in tons of pain. a lot of soreness in my shoulders and legs, and swelling in my fingers. when i have flares, i get extra bitchy and moody, but he kept his cool. i love him.

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now culture(d). is up on etsy. making bracelets tend to calm me a bit. sales have been going pretty ok, luckily, i'm not depending on this to make a living. here are ten new bracelets i need to take pictures of an post, but of course, the weather's preventing me from doing so. in the mean time, if anyone wants to check out the online shop, it's CisforCultured.etsy.com

i got a bunch of packages in the mail! lately, i've been getting at least one almost every day, and they're always beads, but not this time. one package was a pair of black knockaround. fort knocks sunglasses i ordered a few days ago. darrel bought me these in tortoise when i got out of the emergency room. two days later, i went back to get a black pair and they were sold out. i wear a ton of black, so i'm uber excited to put these to use.

another package was a surprise from my favorite sis, alex. we started making jewelry about the same time, and she sent me her newest creation, duafe earrings. the duafe, or wooden comb, is the west african adinkra symbol for beauty, cleanliness, and desirable feminine qualities. i can't wait to wear these. i've actually been thinking about getting a duafe tattoo..

my square also came in the mail today! i can now take credit cards on site, so if anyone sees me and wants to buy a bracelet, you don't have to go through etsy! that actually wasn't the purpose of me getting this: that will be revealed at a later date.

i'm tired and in need a nap, but of course, i can't take one. i should attempt to get some things done before having to leave. maybe some homework, because i'm definitely behind.

i know i'll have a very emotional post to write once tonight is over.

when you date me, you date my fibromyalgia.

diagnosed at seventeen, i can honestly say i remember every guy's reaction to hearing "i have fibromyalgia."

at first, i was reluctant to mention it. i was young and it was still very new to me. i had a boyfriend when i was diagnosed, and he stuck with me for a while, but we ended a few months after. the next guy i dated that i told about having fibromyalgia was in college. i was nineteen, and the flares were only getting worse and coming on a lot more often. he started questioning the constant migraines, and after two months, i finally told him.

"is it contagious?"

seriously dude; google it.

he booked it; ran for the hills. first, he said it was because i wasn't upfront with him about it, then he said it was because he was scared to lose me.

...right.

my cousin has some serious health issues due to an incident when she was sixteen. once i told her about this guy, she told me i need to let them know i have fibromyalgia just as quickly as i let them know my name.

it can be really hard to find and meet someone that understands how you're feeling and the constant pain you're in. i've dated a few guys, and i'll admit, i've frustrated the hell out of them. i know i frustrate my boyfriend now. i can't remember for the life of me how i told him, but he's dealing with it really well; a lot better than i am, actually. he's so open-minded and hopeful that i can and will get better. he drives me to and from the doctors, makes sure i take my meds, brings me dinner, pretty much everything i can't/don't want/forget/too weak to do.

he complains sometimes about different things, but i really can't get mad. this is all new to him. he doesn't know how to deal with someone being in the pain i'm in. when my flares get really bad, it breaks my heart for him to see me like that. we intend on spending the rest of our lives together, and he's well aware that's a life full of pain. i'm just glad i don't have to go through it alone.

i'm having throbbing pains roing through my arms. time for meds. time for bed.

upcoming posts.

these are a few things i want to explore and discuss as a fibromyalgia patient:

• living alone
• dating
• sex
• friendships/ having a social life

just a bunch of rambling thoughts in my head.

time for meds. time for bed.