the last of 2011.

it's me. you haven't seen my face for a while, i know, and i'm sorry. things have been hectic, and life is slowly getting into a routine for me. i have to look back at other posts to see what i need to update. so much has happened, and i can't really remember the last few posts i did. this is bad =\

school: the semester didn't seem to end well for me. i barely did two decent assignments out of three, my heart and head just wasn't in it. my anxiety was at an all time high this semester, so when it came down to the last few components i needed to get a decent grade, i threw in the towel. i'm not mad in any way, because i know how hard it was for me. normally i wouldn't do this, but i admitted to my professor that i was overwhelmed: big mistake. i told him i had a lot going on in my life, and he decides to turn to the rest of the class with "is this class overwhelming for anyone else? does anyone else have shit going on in their lives?" how dare he? i was in no way using that as an excuse, since i blatantly said i didn't do what he asked, but don't broadcast my business to the rest of the class. 

but that's over. a few days ago, my mom asked what i'm doing next semester, and i said nothing. she flipped at first, but when i explained to her that i really need a break after the riot of this year with my health, she settled down.

i colored my hair a little, this ombre-kinda thing, so it's just the tips. you can't really see it, but i like it. i'm debating if to add more color; i just don't want to fry my hair and have to cut it off. 

sleep apnea: oh. my. goodness. this is torture. 

i got the cpap machine. i have to use it every single night. they're tracking it, and if i don't use it at least four hours a night, my insurance won't pay for it. boo hoo.

 the damn thing falls off almost twice a night. last night it stayed on, though. i noticed my hair plays a big part in keeping it in place. if my hair's in a pony tail, it's too smooth so the band just slides off. my hair's twisted, so there's more texture there for the band to hold on to. i'm glad i figured that out.

i threw a surprise anniversary party for my parents a few weekends ago. they've been married for twenty eight years. i love these old people. it was a lot of fun. my cousin brought his dj equipment and played great music, darrel bought a bunch of party platters from costco, and i got them a really small modern wedding cake. i even made punch de creme for the first time, and it came out really good! alex came up to help out the night before, and we exchanged christmas gifts. she really is one of my closest friends, even if she's four hours away.

christmas was good. darrel got me these toms i've been lusting over, and i got him a home photography studio. our one year anniversary is next weekend, and i can't wait to see what he has planned.

oh, and i'm starting savella again, but at a lower dosage this time. i'll get more into detail in a later post.

business has been decent. i've been really busy this past week! i actually have a meeting in a few hours to talk about expanding, which is why this post is so short.

it's new years eve, i'm about to get started with my usual traditions: i always bring in the new year with clean hair (which i washed last night), a fresh mani and pedi, which i'm about to get ready to take care of, and a new tee. i'll be wearing my babylon cartel tee i bought from my boys gianni and cory. i'm a big supporter of young business people. tonight we're having a small house party at darrel's.

my next post will be in 2012!

happy new year! 

thanks.

as i'm having leftovers for breakfast, let me take this time to reflect.

i'm not thankful for my health, but i am thankful that i'm alive.

i'm thankful for the people in my life: my parents, the few family in my family that i have an amazing relationship with, my husband-to-be, my absolutely amazing friends-- travis, cory, alex and charleigh to name a few.

i'm thankful to have a job, a roof over my head, and that i've never experienced a day of hunger.

that's all.

i'll promise to do some posts this weekend.

sleep study day!

don't i look excited? my hair is now washed and braided, and i'm looking like a 90s r&b singer. at least that's one less thing to do for tonight's sleep study. i need to throw my pajamas and pillow pet ina a bag, shower, eat, and be ready to go by 6:30p.

it's snowing in new york city. this is strange for october. we have to drive through the slush just to get to the sleep lab.

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last night darrel and i drove-- well, he drove us to nassau county in long island to go to the cheesecake factory. i've heard about them for years and never tried it. the food was average, as in most chain restaurants. the dulce de leche cheesecake was average, too. slight disappointment, but darrel was so excited to take me since i've never been, and he said i had such a long week and needed a date. this week, i was in tons of pain. a lot of soreness in my shoulders and legs, and swelling in my fingers. when i have flares, i get extra bitchy and moody, but he kept his cool. i love him.

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now culture(d). is up on etsy. making bracelets tend to calm me a bit. sales have been going pretty ok, luckily, i'm not depending on this to make a living. here are ten new bracelets i need to take pictures of an post, but of course, the weather's preventing me from doing so. in the mean time, if anyone wants to check out the online shop, it's CisforCultured.etsy.com

i got a bunch of packages in the mail! lately, i've been getting at least one almost every day, and they're always beads, but not this time. one package was a pair of black knockaround. fort knocks sunglasses i ordered a few days ago. darrel bought me these in tortoise when i got out of the emergency room. two days later, i went back to get a black pair and they were sold out. i wear a ton of black, so i'm uber excited to put these to use.

another package was a surprise from my favorite sis, alex. we started making jewelry about the same time, and she sent me her newest creation, duafe earrings. the duafe, or wooden comb, is the west african adinkra symbol for beauty, cleanliness, and desirable feminine qualities. i can't wait to wear these. i've actually been thinking about getting a duafe tattoo..

my square also came in the mail today! i can now take credit cards on site, so if anyone sees me and wants to buy a bracelet, you don't have to go through etsy! that actually wasn't the purpose of me getting this: that will be revealed at a later date.

i'm tired and in need a nap, but of course, i can't take one. i should attempt to get some things done before having to leave. maybe some homework, because i'm definitely behind.

i know i'll have a very emotional post to write once tonight is over.

right now..

in and out of sleep, feeling sicker than a mother. i'm surrounded by a mountain of snotty tissues, filled with yellow mucus. cold sweats, constant coughing, migraine, nausea.

darrel brought home a bacon angus burger from mcdonald's. i had to cut it in half and force feed myself just so i can take the amoxcilin. 

i called my manager while i was on my way home from the doctor. when i told him i had strep, he didn't even want me to come in for the rest of the week. understandable, strep is contagious and i sound horrid, but i'm definitely not complaining.

i had plans to go to dc this weekend to hang out with alex and my mini-muffin charleigh. so much for that..

ugh, i feel like poopie =[

i walked a mile!!!

well, a mile and a half, but i did it! it took me damn near an hour, but i walked from my house in mill basin to my best friend's in canarsie. first, i stopped at the dunkin donuts at the gas station around the corner for a medium coffee coolata, then hit the road. my knees locked a few times, but i was determined to finish.


trav was either unconscious or not even at the hose, so i spent the whole day with kay, as usual. we watched movies, talked shit, ate yummy taco and wing wagon, and laughed a whole lot. i needed that.

life's supposed to be a party..

yesterday was a long one. i sent out an order of bracelets for my darling keeta in maryland, went to breakfast with darrel at one of the local diners, made bracelets for another order, one for my mom, and one for me to wear last night.

i'll start posting information for the bracelets soon.

last night i went to a little karaoke party for my friends's birthdays. i felt extra exhausted yesterday, but since i've gotten sicker i haven't seen my friends, so i really wanted to go. i left the house mentally prepared to handle the pain that would follow the next day.

i had a drink: about two shots worth of bacardi coconut mixed with pineapple juice. that got me a little tipsy-- i'm not a hard liquor drinker. i'm a wine and champagne type of lady.

overall, the night was fun: full of laughs. i love my girls to death.

today i felt so sluggish. i was doing pretty well for the most part: i drove around with my aunt for a bit, picked up the dogs from the groomer, went to the supermarket, and dunkin donuts. i was exhausted the whole time. as the day progressed, the migraine came on, and my head literally felt heavy. my eyes are red, which is really weird. and this damn cyst on my wrist is getting the best of me.

i should get to bed. tomorrow's a long day with work and school.

exploring new methods.

so yesterday's appointment with krishnamurthy: it was a whirlwind, to say the least. 

i told her about the heart palpitations, the lack of sleep, and the hot flashes. she explained that savella boosts the endorphins, and those side effects are a result of that. the nausea and brain fog have only gotten worse, and even though the medication has been controlling the flares, i still experience pain when my pressure points are touched. i also have been having flares since monday morning. with taking all of that into consideration, she decided to take me off of savella. she lowered my dosage to one pill a day for about a week to gradually get me off of it, since i'll go through withdrawal if i stop taking it suddenly.

krishnamurthy is stressing this aerobic activity thing. she told me to walk for five minutes as soon as i get home from work to get it out of the way. according to her, i may not feel the results the first week or two, but i will.  i'll give it a try. my friend dana swears i need to do thirty minutes of yoga on the weekends, so i'll try that to. 

once the medication is out of my system and i get into the habit of exercising, after about a month or so, we'll decide from there if i need to try another medication, like lyrica or cymbalta.

i asked about "self medicating" using marijuana: from a medical stand point, she's totally against it. she said it's only a short-term relief, and people who use that method tend to not want to do anything, "amotivational syndrome" she called it. she also said it's a harsher smoke than cigarettes on the lungs. this is definitely something i need to think about. 

i'm currently at my desk, in pain. my legs have been going numb, off and on, since yesterday morning. i'm leaving work in about three hours to meet up with darrel to go to another doctor's appointment; this time, it's for the neurologist to address this lack of sleep issue. 

i just want to be better already...

random update.

forgive my absence, once again. things are crazy, as i am trying to keep myself somewhat busy and not so engulfed in this jail we call fibromyalgia.

super duper quick post before bed:

• saturday i went to lunch with my natural hair girls. i needed that. lots of good laughs. we went to coffee shop in union square; i love their herb fries!
• i started making bracelets. they're just cute little trinkets to keep me amused and entertained. i'm still debating if to sell them, since i tend to get aggravated when i have to depend on a hobby for a profit or income.
• today we had a little earthquake; it was more of an after shock. i didn't feel it in my office, but other buildings on the street did and they evacuated. cell service was down for a while, so i had a hard time getting in contact with my parents, darrel, or my family in virginia where the quake hit, but everyone's accounted for, and no one was injured.
• my tattoo's itching. horribly. i've never had a tat itch so much. but it's healing.
• tomorrow's another doctors appointment. i hope he doesn't agree with this whole sleep apnea theory.

that's about it. i'm watching whites on hulu until i knock out.

pics from the natural hair meet up last weekend with alex!

guest blogger: cory B.

cory B. is one of my best friends. she's never experienced one of my flares first hand, but she definitely knows what i go through. when i asked her if she'd write about her biffle having fibromyalgia; this is what she said:

"we all have our bad days.. but i couldn't imagine it lasting for as long as it does for ava. trying to work, go to school, live your life & just do the normal everyday grind, all while experiencing pain, swelling, headaches etc.. takes a strong person to persevere. i love & respect everything about ava not only being a hardworking woman but a strong woman thru all the struggle."


i read this and i cried. i love cory so much <3

sorry i haven't been updating so frequently, things have been kind of crazy. let's see if i can do a quick recap of the past few days:

• the side effects have been subsiding. the brain fog hasn't been as strong, i'm not as nauseated as i used to be, and my appetite is coming back. unfortunately, the sleep is still what it is.
• friday i went to dc to visit my alex for the weekend. we got facials at the aveda institute and got cupcakes at red velvet cupcakery in china town, and went to a natural hair meet-up at a great italian restaurant, vapiano. they actually have a location in  new york city, so i'll definitely try to check that out. i did a lot of shopping =]
• my medication schedule was thrown off over the weekend. i definitely need to work on getting it back on track.
• today the doctor's office called, which completely pissed me off. if i called you last week to tell you that i'm having heart palpitations because of the medication, why would the nurse call me to see if the doctor called me back? this was four hours ago. the damn doctor still hasn't called me back.
• my mom's begun this extensive research on homeopathic remedies for fibromyalgia. she wants me to go see a chinese herbalist.

that's about it, in a nutshell.

"Tylenol and Advil are equivalent to taking three Skittles for your pain. I’m glad most people don’t understand." - nelle


her response was hilarious!!

upcoming posts.

these are a few things i want to explore and discuss as a fibromyalgia patient:

• living alone
• dating
• sex
• friendships/ having a social life

just a bunch of rambling thoughts in my head.

time for meds. time for bed.

brOOklyn.

so my darling alex came to brooklyn! yay =]

this post has great potential to be really long; let's see how short i can make it..

friday consisted of cupcakes at my favorite place in the world, billy's bakery on ninth and twenty-first street, where i spent $30 on nothing but cupcakes and arnold palmers, then dinner at black swan in bed stuy. great place, great food, horrible mosquito bites from dining in their backyard. we had mussels, calamari, three types of mac and cheese, and fries.

  

we stopped at some random subway station to get her a metro card for the next day.

she was so confused; it was adorable.

saturday was probably the longest day of my life! i made us iced coffee and we ate the night before's cupcakes for breakfast, then we were out for forever. we hit up the new muslim spot on flatbush avenue for shea butter and all types of natural goodness. that was our first detour of the day.

after our natural-ness shopping, we hopped on the train and headed to the brooklyn flea in fort greene, where we bought matching tees for her, char, and i, cute little handmade bracelets, i bought a silk scarf, and she bought a leather ralph lauren belt.

then came the bus ride to thistle hill tavern in park slope for a late brunch. we rode through park slope, and alex fell in love!!

i googled best breakfasts in brooklyn, and thistle hill tavern came up. i must say, they're pretty damn good. alex had the speck and egg sandwich, which has prosciutto, tomatoes, and some kind of special sauce. i had the ham and grueyer sandwich; it's pressed like a panini and it has spicy pickles. i love pickles.

oh, and i had a mimosa =]

after brunch, we took a quick cab ride back to fort greene to meet up with nicky at habana for frozen margaritas. we all hopped on the train-- margaritas in hand-- and proceeded to reed space in the lower east side. nicky and i now have matching knockaround sunglasses.

detour numero dos was at babeland. pure comedy. alex was amazed by this huge rubber dick.

 
 

then came another cab ride to soho. double rL, the designer's market on prince street, scotch and soda, and supreme. we spent so much money!

now nicky and i have matching bracelets, too. swagged out cookin' hands.

and he taught this asian girl that worked at scotch and soda how to cook; she kept trying to vogue.

we split ways; nicky went to la casa de elLos, and alex and i went to bed stuy for her friend's rooftop housewarming party. that was an amazing view of my brOOklyn. 

yummy sangria; third drink of the day.

after about an hour there, my boyfriend, darrel, picked us up, and the four of us (his friend came along) went to buttermilk channel in cobble hill. yummy cheddar waffles and juicy fried chicken!! the bread service wasn't bread, they were popovers drizzled in honey. we got back home around midnight, after a thirteen hour day. 

sunday was her last day. i woke up and cooked, as i do every other sunday: mac and cheese, fried chicken cutlets, crackerjack shrimp, broccoli, and string beans from my mom's garden. darrel came, and we drove her to the megabus stop, the. to penn station to get on the amtrak. long story, don't ask. i was so sad! that was unnecessary though, because she'll be coming back up for the antiAchievers's shindig, then i'm going down to visit in september for that long jewish holiday weekend. 

it was ridiculous how much i was fighting sleep this weekend. the pain from walking and lack of sleep started to kick in while i was at work today. but that's what painkillers are for, right?

i keep saying how i miss my friends and i miss having a social life; alex's visit was very much needed. i love this chick to pieces <3


time for meds. time for bed.