it's been forever..

it definitely has!! it's been so long, i have to look back to see what i last posted about. the epitome of neglect..

i'm currently laying in bed with a migraine, fighting to write this post.

savella: things are going great. i'm not sick like i was the first two days; i've discovered i need to take it after a meal. the flares are definitely under control. i still get joint pain with the weather, and my hand's been swelling a lot lately, but that i can handle it.

so this broken arm; it's healed now and out of the cast. i'm in a brace because after five weeks without movement, i can barely support my wrist. i should be starting therapy soon.

my life's boring. there isn't much going on to write about. sorry =\

savella day two. again.

i have this overwhelming urge to puke. in the shower this morning, i was leaning on the wall, just waiting for last night's pizza to come up. my hands were trembling and my heart was racing; i can't say i didn't expect it, though.

last night's pain was unbearable. i actually took a pain killer. darrel gave me a full body massage, and even that hurt. i really do need to look into massage therapy, no matter the cost.

the last of 2011.

it's me. you haven't seen my face for a while, i know, and i'm sorry. things have been hectic, and life is slowly getting into a routine for me. i have to look back at other posts to see what i need to update. so much has happened, and i can't really remember the last few posts i did. this is bad =\

school: the semester didn't seem to end well for me. i barely did two decent assignments out of three, my heart and head just wasn't in it. my anxiety was at an all time high this semester, so when it came down to the last few components i needed to get a decent grade, i threw in the towel. i'm not mad in any way, because i know how hard it was for me. normally i wouldn't do this, but i admitted to my professor that i was overwhelmed: big mistake. i told him i had a lot going on in my life, and he decides to turn to the rest of the class with "is this class overwhelming for anyone else? does anyone else have shit going on in their lives?" how dare he? i was in no way using that as an excuse, since i blatantly said i didn't do what he asked, but don't broadcast my business to the rest of the class. 

but that's over. a few days ago, my mom asked what i'm doing next semester, and i said nothing. she flipped at first, but when i explained to her that i really need a break after the riot of this year with my health, she settled down.

i colored my hair a little, this ombre-kinda thing, so it's just the tips. you can't really see it, but i like it. i'm debating if to add more color; i just don't want to fry my hair and have to cut it off. 

sleep apnea: oh. my. goodness. this is torture. 

i got the cpap machine. i have to use it every single night. they're tracking it, and if i don't use it at least four hours a night, my insurance won't pay for it. boo hoo.

 the damn thing falls off almost twice a night. last night it stayed on, though. i noticed my hair plays a big part in keeping it in place. if my hair's in a pony tail, it's too smooth so the band just slides off. my hair's twisted, so there's more texture there for the band to hold on to. i'm glad i figured that out.

i threw a surprise anniversary party for my parents a few weekends ago. they've been married for twenty eight years. i love these old people. it was a lot of fun. my cousin brought his dj equipment and played great music, darrel bought a bunch of party platters from costco, and i got them a really small modern wedding cake. i even made punch de creme for the first time, and it came out really good! alex came up to help out the night before, and we exchanged christmas gifts. she really is one of my closest friends, even if she's four hours away.

christmas was good. darrel got me these toms i've been lusting over, and i got him a home photography studio. our one year anniversary is next weekend, and i can't wait to see what he has planned.

oh, and i'm starting savella again, but at a lower dosage this time. i'll get more into detail in a later post.

business has been decent. i've been really busy this past week! i actually have a meeting in a few hours to talk about expanding, which is why this post is so short.

it's new years eve, i'm about to get started with my usual traditions: i always bring in the new year with clean hair (which i washed last night), a fresh mani and pedi, which i'm about to get ready to take care of, and a new tee. i'll be wearing my babylon cartel tee i bought from my boys gianni and cory. i'm a big supporter of young business people. tonight we're having a small house party at darrel's.

my next post will be in 2012!

happy new year! 

newness

sitting up in bed. might as well take this time to update.


*i'm craving frosted flakes. weird.



so here are the results for my sleep study.

i honestly don't understand any of it, until it gets to the conclusion: evidence of moderately severe obstructive sleep apnea. i got back to the sleep lab on friday to do the tests all over again with the face mask thing. this chronic fatigue and exhaustion is really getting to me.

my hands have been swollen for a few days now, but i can't stop what i need to do. i still have homework to finish for tomorrow and bracelets to make.

i'm finally getting the ganglion cyst taken care of. my doctor said it'll be drained, but my cousin says i need to have it surgically removed. who knows anymore.

i quit taking the herbs. i couldn't torture myself anymore. the herbalist said since i've had my condition for so long, i'll need to drink the herbs for a while. i don't have that kind of patience or strength, so screw it. it became unbearable to drink; i started throwing it down the drain once my mother cooked it for me. childish, i know. i'm an adult, i shouldn't have to do nonsense like that, on top of waste money to buy the damn things. i'd rather pay $35 a month on pills than $21 a week on herbs. i'm going back to the rheumatologist to talk about putting me on a lower dosage of savella. i actually had an appointment with her on wednesday, but i had to reschedule because i was so exhausted.

that's about it for now. i'm pretty sure something else will come up soon; it always does.

no more meds.

shocking, i know, but it's been a little over a week, i think, and i'm completely off of any medication given to me by the doctors. i honestly felt better when i was taking the savella, minus the nausea and what not.

the exhaustion has gotten to a new extreme. i always fall asleep on the train in the morning on my way to work. tuesday, i was so exhausted, i didn't even bother to get off at my stop. i was awake once the train got to penn station, but i was just so exhausted, i couldn't move. i got off at the next stop and walked back six blocks to my office.

last night, i took one of the rozerem sleeping pills dr. jhagroo gave me. my body despises sleep at night! you'd think that after taking a sleeping pill that once used to knock me out for three days, i would at least sleep through the night-- nope.

this is just getting too much for me to handle.

evacuation; newburgh (i could've sworn i published this post; instead, it was in my drafts..)

i'm a pessimist that's watched far too many natural disaster type movies. with that said, i'm on my way upstate to newburgh.

it started with light what ifs between me and darrel, then my cousin, a katrina survivor, called and instantly put me in panic mode. then came a call from my eldest brother while we were having dinner at sea in williamsburg, asking what i intended on doing and if i wanted to come upstate.

my initial plan was to stay the night at darrel's and ride it out with him. i must admit, it might have been the stupidest plan, seeing that he's a whole lot closer to a body of water than i am, but it beats staying in the house alone.

my mom called my cell from barbados and left a voicemail as we were driving home. i didn't hesitate to call her back; i had no idea what to do. my phone bill isn't going to look too pretty next month. after telling her the different conversations i was having with my cousin and brother, she agreed that i should go upstate.

then another cousin called. she and her family live around the corner from me, and when she heard i was alone, she said "yea, pack your shit and go by your brother's."

so here i am: on the train, with a full bladder, going to newburgh. i'm honestly on the verge of tears because he latter part of today's been such a whirlwind, and i don't deal well in situations like these. what am i saying? i've never experienced a hurricane! jeez! i just hope i remembered my meds.

switching things up.

and i am officially off of savella. monday was my last day taking it.
 
now, you’d think i’d be done with meds for a while, right? wrong…
 
so i went to the neurologist about my sleep, dr. rozner. fyi: you don’t go to a neurologist for insomnia. i have no idea why jhagroo sent me to him, but i digress. so rozner was beyond confused as to why i was sitting in his office, but to not waste a visit to yet another doctor, he gave me the referral for the sleep study. he definitely did attempt to find the root of the problem. he asked about my daily habits and caffeine intake, and my constant migraines came up. i ran down the list of pills i’ve taken for them: imetrex, aleve, excedrin, prescription strength ibuprofen, etc. he said those are symptomatic medications, and that i need to be taking preventative medications.
 
my options were amitriptyline or gabapentin. sitting in his office, i’ve never heard of either medication; after his explanation, all i understood was “gabapentin will sedate you for about six to eight hours,” so that’s what i chose.
 
i did some research after my appointment:

amitriptyline is used for conditions like depressive and anxiety disorders, adhd, migraine prophylaxis, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, and insomnia. it’s also used in spondylitis for pain relief, the treatment of nocturnal enuresis in children, post traumatic stress disorder, tinnitus, chronic cough, carpal tunnel, fibromyalgia, vulvodynia, interstitial cystitis, irritable bowel syndrome, diabetic peripheral neuropathy, neurological pain, laryngeal sensory neuropathy, and painful paresthesias related to multiple sclerosis. typically, lower dosages are required for pain modification of 10 to 50 mg daily. some side effects are drowsiness and a dry mouth, weight gain, changes in appetite, muscle stiffness, nausea, constipation, nervousness, dizziness, blurred vision, urinary retention, insomnia, and changes in sexual function. some rare side effects include seizures, tinnitus, hypotension, mania, psychosis, sleep paralysis, heart block, arrhythmias, lip and mouth ulcers, extrapyramidal symptoms, depression, tingling pain or numbness in the feet or hands, yellowing of the eyes or skin, pain or difficulty passing urine, confusion, abnormal production of milk in females, breast enlargement in both males and females, fever with increased sweating, and suicidal thoughts.

gabapentin is used mainly for the treatment of seizures, neuropathic pain, and hot flashes., and can be used to treat migraines, bipolar disorders, and pain.  it provides significant pain relief in about a third of people who take it for fibromyalgia or chronic neuropathic pain. it’s also effective in reducing narcotic usage post operatively and is helpful in neuropathic pain due to cancer. it’s approved for treatment of focal seizures, partial and mixed seizure disorders. it can help with acquired pendular nystagmus and infantile nystagmus, menopausal symptoms, and can reduce pain and spasticity in multiple sclerosis. gabapentin has been prescribed in the mental health context. trials show that it is not effective as a mood-stabilizing treatment for bipolar disorder and so has no therapeutic advantage in having fewer side-effects over better established bipolar drugs such as lithium and valproic acid. it has limited usefulness in the treatment of anxiety disorders such as social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder, in treatment-resistant depression, and for insomnia. it can also cause weight gain. a trial found gabapentin ineffective for the treatment of idiopathic subjective tinnitus. it's most common side effects in adult patients include dizziness, drowsiness, and peripheral edema, or swelling of extremities, which these mainly occur at higher doses in the elderly. also, children 3–12 years of age were observed to be susceptible to mild-to-moderate mood swings, hostility, concentration problems, and hyperactivity. although rare, there are several cases of hepatotoxicity reported. it should be used carefully in patients with renal impairment due to possible accumulation and toxicity. gabapentin has been associated with an increased risk of suicidal acts or violent deaths. in 2009, the FDA issued a warning of an increased risk of depression and suicidal thoughts and behaviors in patients taking gabapentin, along with other anticonvulsant drugs modifying the packaging insert to reflect this. in july 2009, the manufacturer of gabapentin (pfizer) went to trial regarding the association between gabapentin and the increased risk of suicide.
gabapentin should not be discontinued abruptly after long term use. abrupt or over rapid withdrawal may provoke a withdrawal syndrome reminiscent to alcohol or benzodiazepine withdrawal. gradual reduction over a period of weeks or months helps minimize or prevents the withdrawal syndrome. side effects upon discontinuation of gabapentin that have been reported in medical literature include insomnia, restlessness, agitation, anxiety, disorientation, confusion, light sensitivity, diaphoresis, headaches, palpitations, hypertension, chest pain, and flu-like symptoms. in at least one case, abrupt cessation of a high dose of gabapentin triggered a seizure in an individual with no history of epilepsy.

that's a whole lot of shit; a little nerve wrecking, if you ask me.

dr. rozner wants me to take one 300mg capsule of gabapentin once a day for a week, then increase to two at bedtime.

today is day three taking gabapentin, and i'm absolutely hating it. it's written across my
face how exhausted i am, and this is only the beginning. 

and i'm in killer pain?! i swear i'm about to have another breakdown. 

savella: day twenty eight.

this is my last day taking the pills from the starter pack; which means it's my last day of knowing how many days i've been on savella. tomorrow, i take pills from the bottle like a big girl.

my mom started me on valerian root tablets. valerian is the natural herb that's compounded with other chemicals to create valium. it's supposed to help with my insomnia. let's see how that works.

and the damn rheumatologist STILL hasn't called me back! ugh!!

i'm sitting on my couch, watching the season finale of hawthorne on dvr. i'm loving it! her kids are in this dance scene. it's too cute. i love that family.

the valerian root should be kicking in soon.

tomorrow's a big day for me. i'll post on it soon. until then, gnite <3

savella: day nineteen

i can't stomach anything but soup. not even thick soup.
the brain fog has gotten intense.
the heart palpitations have been occurring more frequently.
i'm having hot flashes and sweats like a 60year old woman.
i woke up nine times during the past two nights of sleep.

savella: day twelve.

today was bad. really bad.

as much as i enjoyed my vacation, it screwed my up sleep schedule completely. last night and the night before, i couldn't fall asleep for anything. like, forcing myself to make an attempt to fall asleep around midnight, knowing damn well i have to be up before 6a.

work couldn't get any worse. brain fog was at an all time high, and the exhaustion was too much for me to handle. during my lunch break, i put my head down in the kitchen and cried a little. i eventually took a ten minute nap, which helped me continue with the rest of the day a little easier.

i'm forcing myself to fall asleep soon.

very soon...

mini vacation 2011

so darrel (the boyfriend) and i went on a little mini vacation! we spent a few days in stafford, virginia with my cousin, roxanne, and her husband, monty. we took the bolt bus down thursday night, and friday morning, we hit the ground running. 


chick-fil-a for breakfast, massages at massage envy, bowling, lunch at cheeseburger in paradise, an impromptu shoot, and a nap. we had every intention of going to see captain america, but darrel and i were knocked out, so we drove to redbox and got come movies: lincoln lawyer and rango.

saturday, aunt mil came over to surprise me, and we all squeezed into the sentra and drove for about four hours to virginia beach. tons of traffic! i got a light tan, we grabbed some pizza, walked the strip, and headed back to stafford.

sunday, monty made pancakes for breakfast. my cousins interrogated darrel for about half an hour, then we hit the road. hopped on the bus in dc heading for nyc.

i had a great time. i really needed that little getaway. i was damn close to pain free, which made this vacation a lot better. 

i tried to stick to my routine with my meds as much as possible. i woke up every morning between 5:30 and 6a to take the first savella pill. i usually take the last pill between 7:30 and 8p, but we were never home at that time, and i never took the pack of pills with me. friday night, i napped through my normal pill taking time; i woke up two hours later to take it, then ended up staying awake and watching movies for another five hours. 

and i took lots naps; between the buses, driving, and that one nap on friday, i got at least eight or nine hours of napping in. 

but none the less, we had fun, and for the first time in a while, i wasn't worried about pain. 

savella update.

i'm alive!


so so sorry i've been gone. i'm trying to get used to the new savella and develop a routine with it.


here's a little more information on the savella (taken from webMD):

This medication is a serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI) that works by helping to restore the balance of certain natural substances in the brain(neurotransmitters).

Dosage is based on your medical condition and response to treatment.

To reduce your risk of side effects, your doctor may start you at a low dose and gradually increase your dose. Follow your doctor's instructions carefully. Do not increase your dose or take this medication more often than prescribed. Your condition will not improve any faster, and the risk of serious side effects may be increased.

If this medication has been used regularly for a long time, withdrawal symptoms (such as mood swings, headache, tiredness, sleep changes, and brief feelings similar to electric shock) may occur if you suddenly stop using this medication. To prevent withdrawal reactions, your doctor may reduce your dose gradually. Consult your doctor or pharmacist for more details, and report any withdrawal reactions immediately.

Nausea, vomiting, dry mouth, constipation, loss of appetite, dizziness, increased sweating, headache, or hot flashes (flushing) may occur. If any of these effects persist or worsen, tell your doctor promptly.

Remember that your doctor has prescribed this medication because he or she has judged that the benefit to you is greater than the risk of side effects. Many people using this medication do not have serious side effects.

Tell your doctor immediately if any of these unlikely but serious side effects occur: fast/pounding heartbeat, changes in sexual ability, decreased interest in sex, painful/difficult urination.

so i've bolded the issues i've experienced while taking savella. it's only been ten days; the last three days, i've been taking the 50mg dosage. i wake up in the morning and take it before 6am, then between 7:30-8:30 right before i get ready for bed. it helps me fall asleep a bit.

i tend to get really scatter-brained and foggy, especially at work, since that's where i am for the greater part of the day. and the nausea?! it's ridiculous sometimes! and i get extremely exhausted. i honestly do believe it's the medication. but i'd rather experience that than the pain of fibromyalgia. since taking it, i've been able to take every day as it comes. i was actually able to enjoy my vacation! i'll save that for the next post...

savella.

 *please excuse the mirror images. that's how photobooth is.

so this is my savella stater kit. it was delivered to the pharmacy today. another $35 on meds, but at least i saved $97.99! (not very enthused)

it's divided into the days, up to four weeks. one in the morning, then one in the evening. it starts off with 12.5mg per pill for three days, then doubles to 25mg per pill for four days, then doubles again to 50mg per pill for days 8-28. then i have the 50mg bottle. (i obviously took the first pill)

typical side effects: dizziness, drowsiness, blurred vision.

the nausea right now is at an all time high. i don't know if it's the pills, or if it's just me. so on that note, i'm calling it a night.